the new chiquita banana stickers are out. finalists were whittled down using criteria that prohibited any writing that was "obscene, hateful, tortuous, or defamatory" to the banana.
as a staunch defender of the banana as one of nature's greatest fruits, i'm pleased by these strict rules. for non-believers, let me remind you that bananas are mouth-sized, not drippy, and easily identified as ripe or not (in contrast to the orange, the ultimate gamble fruit). structurally, they come with a handle and their own biodegradable wrapper. banana, FTW.